September 16, 2019

Remembering Stone #10: The Indwelling Christ

September 16, 2019/ jan

“Go down, Jan.”

My mentor-friend Donna would say this to me, time after time. “Jan, you are in your head. Go down”

My problem was that instead of actually feeling my negative emotions, I would do “commentary” on them and the situations that provoked them. Donna was trying to help me actually feel my emotions. You see, for years in “evangelicalism” I came to believe that anything negative was “sin” — negative feelings, negative thoughts, negative desires, etc. etc.

What a lie from the pit!

September 15, 2019

Broken Open Glory

September 15, 2019/ jan

Things aren't always what they seem to be. Take, for example, geodes.

Who knew that a particular rock could be more than a rock in Arizona (the site of our recent travels) ... or anywhere else for that matter? It's just a rock, right? Sure it is, until it is cracked open, that is. Then wow! what "glory" inside! Yes, a geode is not just any rock. It's a rock that contains a shining treasure of crystals. However, the treasure remains hidden until it is cracked open with a hammer or a fall or a landslide or some kind of trauma. The rock will just stay ordinary and unattractive and obscure and unrevealing to those who have not witnessed the breaking or who are not willing to let the rock be broken.

September 12, 2019

Invisible? But Amazing!

September 12, 2019/ jan

I just want you to know that you are amazing!

I came up short . . . was she speaking to me?

No doubt about it as I saw her with her rolled down window, pausing before continuing on her way.

Those children are lucky to have you!

September 06, 2019

Singing My Own Love Song to Jesus

September 06, 2019/ jan

I hate missing opportunities! It has always been a problem for me . . . especially in my younger years. But now in my very “senior” years, I’m learning to make choices in response to my Father’s teaching to pace myself and sharpen my response to HIM, not to the awesome opportunity — to HIM.

So in the learning and in the choices, I still struggle with regret (did I make the right choice?) and grief (I can’t believe I chose to miss this incredible opportunity! What a loss!)

And so I’m amazed at the choice I just made . . .

September 02, 2019

(Revised!) Remembering Stone #9: a branch in the VINE

September 02, 2019/ jan

So Jesus and I started from scratch together . . .

Many years have passed. The Lord has had me on a journey into freedom and joy in him. It has definitely not been all smooth sailing, but in those early days He used a little book, Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray, to transform my Christian walk.

I’m just a branch, that’s all I ever have to be!

August 20, 2019

His Qualifying Life and Death

August 20, 2019/ jan

I just spent several hours in an exercise that I never would have dreamed would be so valuable. And so I would love to share the fruit of my “what I thought would be agonizing” afternoon and evening with you, my dear readers. My project? Transcribing just a ten minute sermon into pages of type. But in the process of it all, my mind received greater clarity and understanding and my heart just leaped with joy and thanksgiving for my beautiful Lord Jesus, who is my Savior and indwelling Life.

So please watch the video first. It is truly powerful. And then if you long to understand and relish the message on a deeper level, read the transcript that follows.

August 17, 2019

The Bully of Bullies -- in the midst of Anxiety

August 17, 2019/ jan

In the midst of anxiety and panic, we can be sure that our Enemy is alive and well.

And so in our last post (When Anxiety Assails), I shared 1 Peter 5:8-9

8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith…

You can be sure that when God is doing something in our lives, the devil is always helping the weakness of our flesh to draw us in the opposite direction. So I’m re-sharing a previous post to encourage us to be on the alert. No matter our circumstances, our Enemy will seek to distract from God and His deliverance every time.

August 15, 2019

When Anxiety Assails

August 15, 2019/ jan

When I get really afraid, I come to you in trust.
I’m proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.
What can mere mortals do? Psalm 56:3-4 MSG
I’ve always been prone to anxiety. As far back as I can remember, I have been nervous about all kinds of things — quizzes, tests, performances of any kind, up coming unfamiliar events, putting my face in water, amusement park rides, and other “stupid stuff.”

August 09, 2019

Living from a Reservoir

August 09, 2019/ jan

You cannot impart what you do not possess!

This was a favorite saying of Dr. Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary.

John & I had the privilege of sitting under Dr. Hendricks' teaching in the 1980's at DTS. No matter the class, whether it was "Bible Study Methods" or the "Christian Home," this profound little truth would punctuate the "Prof's" lectures.

In my last post, we talked about Teaching from a Reservoir. If Dr. Hendricks' statement is true, then teaching (or whatever we are doing) from a reservoir presupposes LIVING FROM THE RESERVOIR -- the reservoir of truth in relationship with Him who is the TRUTH.

August 07, 2019

Teaching from a Reservoir

August 07, 2019/ jan

…Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’” John 7:37-38

In the early fall of 2000, John & I were blessed by a visit from Dr Marvin Mayer and his wife Shirley. Dr. Mayer had just retired from many years of teaching Bible and Theology at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. John & I were students at MBI in the 1970′s. Dr. Mayer fast became one of my favorite professors and “spiritual father,” with a continuing relationship over the years.

On this particular visit, I got up early so I could walk with Dr M in the morning before he and Shirley left to return home to Illinois. As we walked and talked, he spoke of his years of teaching and made a statement that grabbed my attention: “I teach from a reservoir.”

August 05, 2019

Remembering Stone #8: No More "He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not"

August 05, 2019/ jan

No more God loves me, God loves me not.
No more “spiritual breathing” to be filled with the Spirit.
No more daily, “in detail” confession of sin (and even stuff that wasn’t sin but just negative thoughts and emotions) in order to get daily forgiveness and be “in fellowship.”
No more scrutinizing every jot and tittle of my behavior so that God will hear my prayers.

NO MORE! No more … no more!

I threw it all out — my grade-school catechism memorization at St Matthews; my Religion award …

July 18, 2019

"We become like what we focus on!" -- Expectations Transformed!

July 18, 2019/ jan

First posted 2011
LBI...Long Beach Island, New Jersey -- sun, surf, and sweet memories. Home of Surf City and Barnegat Lighthouse! LBI was a favorite place for us Renners to vacation in our growing up years in the 1950's & 60's -- not every year but as many years as our family of 6 (and later 7) kids and 2 parents, living on one income, could afford.

It was such a beloved place that my brother Conrad and family bought a beach house there in 1998...within a block from the beach, no less!

One year, when our kids were grown but not yet married and out of the nest, we had the most wonderful Renner family reunion at LBI. Conrad scouted out other houses on his street that were for rent. And so several of us rented for the same week, and we all (along with in-laws, friends, and pets) descended upon that little beach community.

July 17, 2019

We Become Like What We Focus On!

July 17, 2019/ jan

… God has been teaching me this truth over and over again. It reminds me to return again and again to sharpen my focus on the Lover of my Soul, the One Who dwells within me and calls me to Rest in Him.

Let’s return again to join Jesus as He teaches a crowd in Galilee, as recorded in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 11. (See An Invitation to Rest Today)

… Maybe you are exhausted…worn out, burdened by the should’s and ought to’s, never feeling like enough is enough – wounded, frightened, lonely, depressed … a mess: physically, relationally, and most of all …spiritually.

Or maybe you are burdened by your past choices, and you never feel like you are getting it right. Maybe you are desperate because you’ve given up. Everything in your Christian life has become dead and heavy.

Hear the words of Jesus to you personally:

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

July 11, 2019

Love and Trouble and Joy...LIFE Revisited

July 11, 2019/ jan

Thanking God for eight more years of life for my darling husband. Every day is a gift.

This is the post I wrote the week of John’s widow maker heart attack eight years ago this week. Thank you, O merciful God.

July 06, 2019

Resting While You Work Today

July 06, 2019/ jan

I’ve always been a worker-bee. Well, perhaps not as a child. As an adult, though, and especially as a Christian, I’ve been a worker-bee. I found great pleasure in life by accomplishing a goal, but there was a driven-ness in this way of living. I’ve discovered that being a worker-bee is especially dangerous, spiritually. I’ve lived for a long time under the yoke of what I call "to-do list" Christianity. What a bondage. Self-effort doesn't work when it comes to doing what only God can do,which is anything of any spiritual value. That's why I love the Lord's invitation to the weary, burdened folk who followed Him:

July 05, 2019

An Invitation to Rest Today

July 05, 2019/ jan

Ah! REST...what a glorious word! I inhale and exhale deeply at just the sound of it. And oh, how we humans need deep, glorious rest... Moms especially need it...as do dads. Single folks need it; workers need it; retirees do, too..Even kids need it (although they would protest most loudly...especially in the midst of the frenetic-ness of no-sleep sleepovers!)

I remember as a mom of an infant how I longed for rest, praying my crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night baby would just fall quietly back to dreamland. Or my napping toddler would stay napping so I could lie prostrate for just a few more moments (Please, God!) And now, even as a senior retired adult, that beautiful rest calls my name more often than not in the midst of my afternoons. So I often take to my overstuffed couch and doze as I watch the old westerns from my childhood.

June 29, 2019

Remembering Stones Intermission: Recap and Rest

June 29, 2019/ jan

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for following along with me as I’ve reminisced and shared about God’s work in my life … revealing Himself, concealing Himself for a time, and then bursting forth in truth and “glory.” I hope that these reflections have provoked your own remembering. God is always working. But we are often blind to His movements because of our distractedness.

June 28, 2019

Remembering Stone #7: The Smile that Destroyed my Religion and More

June 28, 2019/ jan

If you have been following along with my spiritual journey thus far, you may recall my “aha moment” when I heard the gospel clearly preached by those fellow students at the University of Arizona back in the late 1960’s (Stone #4). It wasn’t that I hadn’t known or believed the truth of the Gospel: that I was a sinner and that Jesus died to pay for my sin. I knew, believed, and wholeheartedly embraced it all! I even theoretically knew and “believed” that God loved me and everyone else in the world. The surprising thought of that gospel preached to me in Tucson through those lovely students was that the good news was …

ALL a free gift, not earned by works but received by grace through faith!

June 23, 2019

Remembering Stone #6: The Dark Night of My Soul

June 23, 2019/ jan

You search the Scriptures … {they] point to me! Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.

… the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

You would think that after having had such amazing teachers and mentors at Moody Bible Institute and after receiving such a storehouse of Biblical and spiritual knowledge there (Remembering Stone #5), the Christian life would have been a breeze for me … joy-filled and exciting!

And it was exciting and joy-filled … for awhile. Let me tell you about it.

June 17, 2019

Lost my "Power Source"

June 17, 2019/ jan

The other day, I was preparing for my young guests to come for a visit … for lunch and games. As I scoped out the areas where we would be eating and playing, I realized that I’d better “put up” my laptop and unplug its power cord from the outlet right behind the lunchtime table.

So I closed my laptop and placed it off to the side on the kitchen counter. Then I unplugged the cord and rolled up the wire and put it “somewhere on top of something.” (Can you relate?) I remembered coming across the rolled up “power block” on top of “that something” before my young friends came.

But I did a stupid thing — I moved it!

A Branch in the Vine